Deprivation.Pain.Regret.

Life has its own way of teaching you things. Sometimes it makes you learn through regrets sometimes through pain and suffering and sometimes it’s through deprivation. I on the other hand have experienced all such phases of so-called life learning lessons through all such means. And experience tells me:

Regret comes after pain and suffering.

And pain and suffering comes after deprivation.

Hence the order being: deprivation, pain and regret.

Regret is something which I never had and I was very proud of this fact of my life. I was confident and firm about the decisions I took in my life. Occasionally I took calculated decisions taking in consideration all pros and cons; but sometimes it was just like a revelation that ‘this is the right decision’ and I used to follow it. These occasional revelation kinda decisions made me believe that God Himself is making me take the right decisions and no doubt it always proved good in my favor. These can be called “risky decisions”. But with my strong faith in God and stronger believe on the fact that God is there with me in these decisions always made me happy. Never knew that instead of the risky decisions these planned choices, will shatter my confidence and wreck the no-regret element of my life.

There is a time when you have everything offered to you like a full decorated platter of food which has all the premium items on it made from very fine ingredients. The full luxury platter is at a hands reach and you choose not to extend your hand and reject the platter because you are not in need of it. Therefore, you just walk pass it choosing to ignore. Life gave you an option and the option you picked was rejection.

Life goes on with this confidence of right decision in mind and everything is good and positive around. Faith in God grows stronger and stronger as the choices you have taken are resulting in superb results. You feel like on top of the world. People look up to you. Acknowledge you. Quote you as an example. And you on the other hand cannot be happier but still never let this get to your head. You continue to thank God for His countless blessings.

Then all of a sudden life goes gloomy. All the self-confidence and surety about life smashes to smithereens. Everyone around you is happy and cheerful because they achieved what they were struggling for. Only you are the one deprived of your dreams. Here comes the phase of deprivation. You can blame fate for it; you can hold the circumstances responsible or you can blame the people around you for not helping you, the basic fact does not change, that it is you who has not achieved what you desired. With this realization comes a huge surge of pain. You made every effort you could; you struggle like hell but no success. At this time all you can say to yourself is that maybe now is not the right time, something big is waiting but these so-called consoling thoughts change nothing. Thus the period of pain continues.

During this period, you go back in memory and rethink all those events which led to this day. You think and think and think and this overthinking leads to incorrect judgments, wrong conclusions and you create scenarios which never existed. You keep on creating reasons and conclusions which eventually lead to regrets. Regret brings with itself a strong surge of emotions, the building blocks of which are deprivation of your dreams, an unending phase of pain and overthinking. Regret kills you from inside. It questions your entire being and the reason for existence. No matter how hard you try, the pain of deprivations spurts regret and hence a long period of grief.

This is storyline of everyone. For some the path from pain to regret is longer for some it’s short. But this is the reality. You eventually learn to live with this pain and suffering and it becomes a part of you. But one never forgets his/her first ever feeling of this pain, deprivation and regret!